His days before me

I read parts of J's journal from back in 2002 today. He wrote a letter to a boyfriend that he broke up with back then, pretty much publicly scouring him from being too busy to his inadequate sexual performance. I hope that never happens to me. Otherwise it was kinda cute. He talks about such random things that I'd never think about. I really need to put forth some effort though with this relationship. I'm far too private of a person to ever be good at relationships. We're going out tonight. Maybe I'll try to open up a bit.

Transition

I've been working up Chopin's Nocturne in E Minor for several months, and I'm finally happy with it. It makes me cry when I play it. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever created, and, unlike a painting or a sculpture, I can recreate it whenever I want.

Now I'm on to Debussy's Clair De Lune, also known as the Ocean's 11 fountain piece...bah.

I went shopping today with A. She's great to have as a friend, but it's frustrating how often I feel like I'm talking to a deaf person. I say something about a book I'm reading, she responds with something about climbing. I tell her that, after 4 months, I've worked up a beautiful piece that means a lot to me. She responds by telling me about something that happened to somebody I don't know when she was in middle school. I don't mind listening to her stories...I just wish she'd occasionally return the favor.

I miss J. Even if I am a bad boyfriend.